As long as I can remember I have been the “go to” person; the one people come to when they need help, advice, or just someone to listen, and unfortunately, I love being this person. However, after a while you start to feel as though you can’t be open and honest with people, you can’t break down because you’re the only one holding everything up. You feel as though, if people really knew that you struggled with the same things, found yourself trapped in the same emotional and spiritual situations that they do that you would be useless to them. As much as I would like to say that it’s just an issue of insecurity, it’s more than that; it’s an issue of pride. I want to be the one to be there for them, I want to be the one to pick them up when they are down, and I want to be the one they run to when something is going wrong in their life. As I said before, I have always been this person and this semester everything came crashing down, and God had to deal with me in a very powerful way.
At one point earlier in this semester I had four people coming to me on a regular basis for advice; they all needed someone to talk to and almost every meeting ended with them crying. With all my school work, my job, and the situations with my friends my spiritual life was starting to suffer, but more than that; I was praying for every situation but they just kept getting worse. It seemed as though nothing I did was good enough, nothing I offered was doing any good. One day when I was finally to the point of complete exhaustion I sat down and opened my bible to Psalms (they always make me feel good) and I read Psalm 32:3-5. “When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer. Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, ‘I will confess my transgression to the Lord’ – and you forgave the guilt of my sin.”
God showe
d me that nothing I did was going to be good enough because I was trying to do His job. I was not only overloading myself, but hindering my friends as well because I was trying to fix their problems and I am not all-powerful. Sometimes I wish I was WonderWoman so I could do everything, but I’m not and even if I was I still wouldn’t be powerful enough to save myself. I seem to constantly forget that without Him, my life is worth nothing.
