I had little idea what was being said, didn’t recognize any of the people around me, and had to watch the other people in the pews to know how to respond during certain parts of the service. Let me explain. I spent the spring semester of my junior year studying abroad in Rome, Italy and everything from the community around me down to the type of church service I attended changed drastically. At my university in America, I had a close community of Christian friends, an amazing church and campus ministry, and a family and boyfriend that encouraged me in my faith. When I was abroad, I suddenly had no Christian community, attended Catholic services in Latin or Italian, and had a very restricted time in which I could talk to people back at home. On top of that, I was taking a class at the Rome University I attended on cultural psychology and learning extensively about how culture influences the values and perspectives of people, often causing them to view their culture as supreme to that of others.
These factors combined to cause me to have huge doubts about my faith. Am I just Christian because I grew up in a predominantly Christian country? Is Christ really the only way to heaven? These are just some of the questions that my class and lack of Christian community caused me to seriously wrestle with. I remember being afraid to talk about these doubts. Why is doubt so often looked down upon as a sign of weak faith? It really is…and I think because of that stereotype people are less willing to share their doubts and therefore have a chance to engage the Christian community to help them work through those doubts. In his book, The Gift of Doubt, Gary E. Parker notes “If I have to choose between a faith that has stared doubt in the eye and made it blink, or a naïve faith that has never known the firing line of faith, I will choose the former every time.” When reading that book recently I thought, “Yes, exactly!!” I really believe that doubt can truly be a gift, something not to be ashamed of but to be worked through with the rewarding possibility of coming out of the struggle with a purified, stronger faith.
Even though I was afraid about talking about my doubts, I had extensive phone conversations about these doubts with my boyfriend and he really helped me to slowly work through them. He listened to all of my questions and concerns and prayed with me through them. I am very grateful to him because that was a huge help to me during that difficult faith struggle. I also thoroughly researched my faith. I read theology books, talked to many people, and read books about the struggles with doubt other Christians have experienced. Even though I am not currently 100% doubt free, I really believe that the doubts I began struggling with that spring semester really worked to strengthen my faith.
